Divorce is culmination of doing and saying mean, thoughtless and even hateful things over a period of time. Barbs have been slung from both the husband and the wife. Fault-finding with the other is often a full-time job as the marriage disintegrates. Finding your wife or husbands’ vulnerable soft-spot and then going in with a zinger is rationalized. A “he/she deserved it” mentality takes over. Any possibility for civil discussion about opposing viewpoints goes out the window. After we inflict damage, we feel justified in our attacks. So we pound on, tear and…

As your marriage becomes more and more unraveled, men and women adopt patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving that are coping strategies. Whether or not they’re good ones, is something else entirely. We’ll take a quick look at the three elements required to get ourselves back on track. Our thought life, our feelings and their resulting behavior. Overwhelmed by the confusion of the divorce process, we rarely reflect on the health of these coping strategies. Only until we step back and take an honest assessment of ourselves can we see…

The divorced population is a high-risk population. A high-risk for addictions, illness, emotional problems, you name it, divorce makes living and coping difficult. Divorce is a perfect breeding ground for addictions. Think about it. You lose many if not all the anchors in your life. The loss and stress quotient is off the charts. You’re being is shaken to the core. Dramatic changes in your identity, your circle of friends, loss of the family home, living arrangements, the financial tsunami, alimony, child support, trying to be strong for your kids, can…

Did you ever feel you’re in a streak where everything seems to be going wrong? You get up in the morning with a sense of dread because you need to follow-up on the craziness from the day before. You approach your day with a glass-half-empty perspective. We can’t or won’t shake this feeling. Why? It’s self-protective and gives us a sense of control. But..is this helpful to us? The answer, of course, is no. The focus on the negative, controlling events and people, can actually make us feel more anxious….

They’ve been there for you, saw the best in you, supported you and loved you. If they were ill for some time, you lingered between life and death anticipating their final departure. If it was a sudden death, the horror and shock are mind-numbing. The finality of death is surreal. Can you prepare for such a great loss? At this present time, I’m losing my best friend and confidante, family joker and story teller, counselor, spiritual advisor, my anchor in the storm. I’m losing my mom. My mom started with…

HAPPINESS is possible while going through divorce. You can experience true joy and contentment despite your circumstances. I know this sounds a little crazy but if you focus on the great things in your life, you will find people respond in surprising ways. Everyone knows you’re in the divorce process. Family, friends and acquaintances know or heard about what’s going on in your life. This is not a great feeling. Yet, with whatever knowledge they have about your break-up, if you genuinely communicate that you know you’re going to be…

NOW WHAT? You were in active-duty, valued in the military. You were proud of your service. Very cool. Whatever branch of the military you served, you had a very specific job to do. Maybe you were excellent at it. You had friends and colleagues, healthcare and a place to live. Your existence was orderly and structured. Now you’re “home”.  You might not have family. Maybe you do. Regardless, you’re out of your comfort zone. You’re back in the states but are in a “new” culture. The civilian culture. This is supposed…

Are you just retired? Relocated? Recently separated or divorced? Missing a child during the holidays? Lost someone you loved? When your life has taken an unexpected and unfortunate turn the holidays can be grim. Sometimes you find yourself dreading the shopping, decorating, parties and slogging through old memories. Sprinkled throughout are the good times for sure but it’s still tough during the holidays. Thanksgiving is upon us a mere three weeks after an endless summer! I can’t think of one person that’s ready for the crazy weeks ahead. There are…

Think of the kindest person you ever met. How did you feel leaving them? Encouraged? Understood? Blessed? Turns out the benefits are so much more. There is a science behind kindness. When a person sees someone doing something kind, they are more likely to “Pay it forward” and puts people in a good mood. Witnessing kind acts increases the production of oxytocin which lowers blood pressure and improves heart health. Kindness reduces pain perception, stress, anxiety, depression, increases energy. The people that initiate acts of kindness by volunteering or doing…

Want to bring Joy to others at Christmas? Be a great listener! Huh? How does this work? Here’s the connection. Christmas is a time for giving. Not buying presents but giving of yourself. Christmas is a time to give of your energy and time, not just material things.  Giving of yourself includes listening. Not talking. Just listening. We’ve all experienced an amazing person at some point in our lives that makes you feel just great. Most likely, they’ve left an indelible impression. This is the person that makes you feel like…